Creating Space for Greater Connection & Understanding
When people come through my doors, most of the difficulties they are experiencing are most often related to their relationships. Which is no surprise, since what we are at our very essence is relationship.
So, how can we start to create more ease in our relating? How can we grow closer to our loved ones and closer to ourselves in return?
It’s okay if things between you and your loved ones aren’t always peachy keen. However, when those unhelpful patterns start to groove deeply in the fabric of your relationship(s), it can be much more difficult to be present with one another, and then that good old resentment starts to set in creating what feels like sticky goo. It becomes increasingly more difficult to appreciate and value that person (as well as the relationship).
Listening to a talk years ago from one of my favourite meditation teachers Tara Brach (wise woman by the way) shared a practice that her and her partner do with each other twice a week to create and maintained a heart-felt connection of continued understanding and compassion. I practice it as well, and can say that it is so so helpful and an incredible gift for your relationships…and yes I do sounds like a broken record, including the relationship with yourself.
Exercise to Try:
I recommend this practice to all those I serve. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you and your dear ones.
Inquiries to live in truth, and develop intimacy in your relationships:
Step 1: Find a nice quiet space, where you and your loved one/partner can sit together and dedicate at least one hour 30 minutes to meet once or twice a week.
Step 2: Begin with a meditation, and make a nice calming tea. Or take 12 deep conscious breaths together to help you become embodied in the present moment (whatever you see fit).
Step 3: Next are the questions. Decide who would like to ask/answer first.
1.What you are really grateful for in your life? (be it today, this week, this month). Listen to each other’s response without responding (let the other person speak and listen to them with your whole body).
The intention of this question is to soften the heart.
2. What has been challenging for you recently or is coming up as a challenge that you’d like to share? (again active listening without offering advice or trying to play Mr. Fix It, just listen). *** This is not about the relationship here. This is covered in the following question.
3. Is there anything between us right now that is getting in the way of us feeling open-hearted and loving? (do the U-turn and express with I statements). This is helpful to ensure it’s about your experience and shifts the blame. Eg. I feel upset and hurt…
Once both parties have spoken who can offer your two-sense, but only if they would like to receive it and ask this of you. This check-in can provide you both with an opportunity to be seen, heard and understood. If there is a challenge showing up in the relationship, chances are you’ve both noted it and can respond to each other’s perspective on the challenge with an open heart, while promoting non-violent communication.
Resource:
Here’s the talk given by Tara Brach if you’d like to have further context.
The Four Horseman: The Antidotes is another great tool for healthy communication and relating.
