What is Inner Child Work? A Guidance For Healing, Self -acceptance, and Self-discovery
What is an inner child work and what wisdom does the “little you” have to share?
Our inner child is a part of ourselves that’s been present ever since we were conceived, through utero, and all the developing years afterward when we were young and developing into tender selves: baby, infant, toddler, young child, and middle school years.
The inner child can often recall good experiences as well as childhood fears, traumas, neglect or significant loss. It can be hard to pinpoint the exact event that is tugging at us, but we can start to notice our internal patterns that have left us a subconscious “bread crumb trails” when we start to explore our inner world.
Each one of us has an “inner child” living inside.
You have an inner child. I have an inner child. We all do. Your “inner child” is a part of your subconscious that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories, and beliefs from the past as well as hopes and dreams for the future.
My clients are always fascinated and excited when I explain inner child work and how we all have a little one (or little ones) inside of us. When we make space for inner child healing, I often see a shift in clients’ healing and overall improvement towards clarity of the self and greater treatment progress.
How can we identify our Inner Child parts?
Our inner child is the one who remembers that sweet smell of grandma when she leaned down to hug us, with a huge look of pride on her face when we showed her how we were able to ride our bike.
Our inner child remembers the feeling of our hearts brimming with joy and love when our dad looked at us with a glisten in his eyes when we shared our favourite toy with the neighbour.
Our inner child remembers feeling invited to a friend’s birthday party and feeling so happy and confident.
Our inner child is also the one who felt the salty tears run down our cheeks when mama left the house in a rush to go say goodbye to her dad when he was dying.
Our inner child remembers being ignored and bullied on the bus on the first day of school.
Our inner child remembers feeling dumb when the teacher scoffed or when we didn’t have the answer to a “seemingly easy” question.
Our inner child is present when we start our first job, proving your boss that you’re responsible and capable, feeling proud.
Our inner child is present when we are teenagers, wanting so badly to belong.
Our inner child is inside of us when we go on a quest to find love, or to find social groups to belong to.
It's the part that feels understood, calm, warm and fuzzy when we have good times with others.
It's also the part that feels crushed and betrayed when we are hurt, ignored or lied to, when someone hurts or betrays us.
Our inner child is always communicating with us…
we just need to learn to listen.
Now, our inner child can either be calm and content (for the most part), or it can act out and make things a bit rumbly inside, standing in the way of healthy relationships, organization skills, and self-regulation.
Our inner child can either make it or break it when it comes to being a productive member of society…or steps to finding happiness.
If you’re feeling frustrated or stuck in some aspect of your life, it’s probable that your inner child needs some attention. Stuck points can look like difficulties at work work, in parenting, finding or keeping love, deepening relationships or setting boundaries.
When the inner child runs the show
You may notice that you’re experiencing fear, perfectionism, anxiety or are avoiding certain people, places or experiences. These are all ways that your inner child is attempting to feel safe. When the inner child is running the show, it’ll choose behaviors, choices, and thoughts based on unconscious beliefs or memories from the past, and based on what the inner self would need to feel safe.
Often, the inner child does not have access to the adult “self” reality and may not know about how life is different now, or how things have changed.
Childhood emotional wounds can make you feel like you’re walking around with a ton of bricks on your back.
If your inner child is walking around with 50 lbs of pain, you may feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. If your inner child lived with instability, uncertainty or danger, it may hold you back from making changes. You may notice a fearful part, afraid of you trying new things, however, if you are wanting to move on with life you’ll probably feel torn.
Why we get stuck: when one part seeks safety and consistency and another part seeks possibility, connection, and adventure.
You can find a middle ground, and “unstuck” so that you can move past blockages. To cultivate the balance of creativity, flexibility, responsibility, connectivity and consistency, it’ll be important for your adult self and child self to meet and get to know each other. This is the first step to creating a collaborative team- one which your adult need and inner child needs are met.
Two Steps To Cultivating a Relationship with your Inner Child
Two steps are important here:
ONE : Getting in touch with your inner child, beginning a dialogue, and developing a relationship with it.
TWO: Beginning to really listen in, and learn about your inner child’s needs, pains, hopes, and dreams…..and taking steps to making them happen.
Inner work is the act of going inside ourselves, to explore our true feelings and parts of us that may have been rejected and labeled as "inappropriate" or "too much" by others.
By allowing ourselves time to go within, we begin peeling back our everyday coping mechanisms (being avoidant, numbing of our feelings, etc.) and are able to fully accept and integrate our subconscious into consciousness.
Summary
Inner child work is a way to address our needs that haven't been met as children and heal the attachment wounds we've developed.
Resources:
*** Are you ready for some personalized Inner Child work? Book a free 15-minute consultation.
Try these free guided meditations:
Talk on core Shame and low self-esteem as well as a meditation that explores how to ease old emotional wounds with one of my favourite teachers Josh Korda.
References:
Aiyana,S.(n.d.) How to do inner child work for healing trauma and self-acceptance. Rising Woman.https://risingwoman.com/inner-child-work-healing-trauma-self-acceptance/
Cooks-Campbell, A. (March 15, 2022). How inner child work enables healing and playful discovery. Better Up. https://www.betterup.com/blog/inner-child-work
Trieu, T. (April 10, 2023). What is Inner Child Work? A guide to healing your inner child. Mind Body Green.https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/inner-child-work
